Baby Gap Without the Baby

>I hijack my sanity all the time. I try to stop. I sing a little louder as I wash my dishes. I whistle a “happier” tune to drown out the mental noise, but 10 minutes into it I wake up and realize that my mouth is puckered into a little circle but this whistling Dixie has gone mute. blah . . . blah . . . wha . . . wha . . . hijacked again.

My future is comprised and made up of a series of todays. I forget that.

I think of the future a lot. I can’t help but want to sow my seeds–resources, energies, decisions–into a more fantastic future, maximizing my opportunities, but by constantly strategizing for maximum future returns, I forget to whistle. My song of joy loses its gusto.

As I was pairing socks yesterday, pondering my amazing ability to complicate matters unnecessarily, I had this illustration enter my thoughts. (I believe it was from God because I’m not awesome enough to think up these things on my own, and all good things come from God. So, thanks to God I had an enlightening thought.)

I’m often like a woman wanting to have a house full of children. And so I plan and prepare. I go to Toys R Us and stock up on toys. I hit up the local Costco and buy diapers and wipes in bulk–a mom can never have enough diapers, right? Diaper rash cream. Onesies. Baby swing. Shoes, socks, and training pants. Monitors. Baby Einstein videos. Putumayo cds. And then the savings accounts for braces, cars, band trips, college tuition, the expensive wedding, and emergency funds. I’m getting ready.

But if I never enjoy the pleasures of my husband, all my preparation and planning is misplaced. I need to take part in the activities that go into the actual making of babies or else, no babies. A woman can’t just plan or dream babies into existence. I have to do today what I hope will come to pass tomorrow. The means is part of the end. I can work myself to death covering all the bases and anticipating all the needs. I can even enjoy all the shopping and preparing for a little bundle of joy. But without the baby, Baby Gap is just a, well, Gap.

If I set myself to enjoy every day, as a woman should enjoy the pleasures of her husband, then I have a better chance of seeing my future dreams come to life. As I said, and it bears repeating, the means is part of the end. It’s not enough to journey; it matters how I journey. If I do not attend to the how, I end up living in the gap between what is meant to be a beautiful day and the hopes of a beautiful future, and that gap becomes a life of barrenness.

I like to whistle. I’m a good whistler. But when I lose my whistle, I’m alerted that things are outta whack in my life. It usually means I’m spending too much time planning for my future and not finding the full pleasures of today.

Yesterday I wasn’t whistling. Today I’m back to whistling dixie. I’m filling that gap with intentional song.

May you find yourself whistling while you work!


One Response to “Baby Gap Without the Baby”
  1. Ruby Red says:

    I like this…I hope you whistled today!!

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