Tension Requires Confession

I am undergoing a quasi identity crisis.  Some things I know to be true about myself and these things make me happy and content, but within my soul I am finding black holes that suck the light and life and give nothing back.  I’m functioning and still laugh from my gut, and yet I’m also confused about myself, my purpose, and my progress.

I don’t know if this identity crisis, of sorts, is good and beneficial in that I’m going through this season to be weaned from myself, identifying more with my Saviour than myself, or maybe it’s bad because I’m falling into Satan’s deceptive schemes of self-doubt and confusion.  It’s probably a little bit of both.

Well, I’ve been carrying this conundrum around with me for a while, not getting too worked-up about it, figuring it will right itself at some point, but I did share it with a friend just the other day.  Today I may have come up with the remedy.


Every day we all live in some sort of tension.  A million things to get done but only enough time for a thousand.  Standing up against an issue for which you’re passionate but not wanting to offend anyone in the process.  Starting a new friendship or deepening an old one.  Possibility vs. reality.

I know that God wants me to use my words for good and not for bad, but sometimes I find myself in the middle of criticism and judgment.  I know that the best way for others to fall in love with Jesus is if I love them and they, for themselves, see and experience the warmth of God’s love poured out in relationship; however, I’m happy with looooooooooong stretches of silence and time alone–people and privacy don’t mix.  Life is too short to be tied to things and activities I don’t love, but if what I love to do is relatively meaningless . . .  tension.  Thus, confession.

God, I am trying.  Lord, I am seeking.  I confess that I’m not where I should be, but thank you for not letting me stay where I was.  I confess I haven’t loved like I should, but you pour your love on me anyway and your love is changing that in me.  I haven’t stewarded my time, emotions, resources, relationships, words, and talents perfectly, but I thank you for them anyway and trust you to help me better use them in the future.  I confess I feel lost, but I know you know where I’m at and in you I’m always found.  I confess I’m stuck between what should be and what is.  Take my confession and move me.  Amen.

If you find yourself in a place between, a place of tension, may you utter your own confession and find the peace and strength and confidence and momentum and encouragement you need.


One Response to “Tension Requires Confession”
  1. Judy says:

    wooow, good word! I know I am supposed to love people and show love as well… I have been thinking about this a lot lately too. I like my alone time. I am not a huge people person, but when I do get with someone I like, I really enjoy the time spent with them. Selfish? yes. But as you say, God is working on me! Thanks for writing!

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